To you ...
I am not sure if you read my blog.
But, I want to write this out. I've been holding back my feelings and emotions because I don't want to put all the blames on you.
It has been 5 months plus since I knew about your existence. I will never forget how I find out about you on his birthday. How you've tried so hard to contact him although you know clearly that he's with me so far away from Malaysia. How shaky was I when I find out about his betrayal.
I put all the blames on him at the very beginning. He knows that he's a man with a gf but still he has chosen to betray me to be with you. It's his fault for not being honest and loyal enough. I was heartbroken, I know things will never be the same again.
Do you know when I started to have hatred towards you? When you kept calling and smsing him at night - Europe time. Knowing that I will definitely be next to him. Sending intimate sms to him begging for his return. I know you were sad because he's no longer next to you and he's with his gf. But shouldn't you have expected or be prepared for this since the day you have chosen to be with him?
I was so angry and sad why did you choose to hurt me - someone you have not known because of your own desire. Will the happiness last if it's being obtained through your selfishness? I had my worst ever 2 weeks in Europe. I was so scared to see him on his phone because I knew there will be miscalls and sms from you.
You knew he has a gf, you knew everything's gonna come to an end but you wouldn't accept it. You chose to fight for something that's not belong to you at all. You chose to hurt someone who's innocent. You chose to disobey the rules.
The thumbdrive that you left in his car. The content within it. The things that you have done just to win him back. All your actions disgusted me. Seriously, if the guy really wants and love you, you don't have to fight so hard. Even hurting someone who's has done no wrong to you.
Then, I was being told that you have been diagnosed with cancer. When I knew about this, I really feel that I was acting in a TVB drama, unwillingly. I had enough of all these craps. I chose to give up and you can take whatever you want.
I never thought of fighting with you. Never. If he choose to leave, I will let him go. I've never forced him to stay because I've learned from my lesson. There's no point for me to do so, if he's not meant to be with me.
Tell me, what did you get after all you have done? You mentioned in the special created diary for you and him that you will never forced him to leave his gf to be with you even though you know he might do it for you. But with all the things that you have done to hurt me, isn't that a big contradiction?
& I don't understand how can you accept your bf to love 2 persons at the same time? I can't. Love should be beautiful and everyone should be loyal to their loved ones. Sometimes I do suspect you want him because you don't like losing.
Perhaps, I should thank you. Thank you for showing me a clearer picture of how weak our relationship was.
Last but not least, I hope you are happy with your life now. Not sure if you have managed to win his love. I wish you all the best - I hope you can find someone who really loves you and belongs to you. Don't be a 3rd party again, you will never know how much it hurts to have your loved one betraying you.
But, I want to write this out. I've been holding back my feelings and emotions because I don't want to put all the blames on you.
It has been 5 months plus since I knew about your existence. I will never forget how I find out about you on his birthday. How you've tried so hard to contact him although you know clearly that he's with me so far away from Malaysia. How shaky was I when I find out about his betrayal.
I put all the blames on him at the very beginning. He knows that he's a man with a gf but still he has chosen to betray me to be with you. It's his fault for not being honest and loyal enough. I was heartbroken, I know things will never be the same again.
Do you know when I started to have hatred towards you? When you kept calling and smsing him at night - Europe time. Knowing that I will definitely be next to him. Sending intimate sms to him begging for his return. I know you were sad because he's no longer next to you and he's with his gf. But shouldn't you have expected or be prepared for this since the day you have chosen to be with him?
I was so angry and sad why did you choose to hurt me - someone you have not known because of your own desire. Will the happiness last if it's being obtained through your selfishness? I had my worst ever 2 weeks in Europe. I was so scared to see him on his phone because I knew there will be miscalls and sms from you.
You knew he has a gf, you knew everything's gonna come to an end but you wouldn't accept it. You chose to fight for something that's not belong to you at all. You chose to hurt someone who's innocent. You chose to disobey the rules.
The thumbdrive that you left in his car. The content within it. The things that you have done just to win him back. All your actions disgusted me. Seriously, if the guy really wants and love you, you don't have to fight so hard. Even hurting someone who's has done no wrong to you.
Then, I was being told that you have been diagnosed with cancer. When I knew about this, I really feel that I was acting in a TVB drama, unwillingly. I had enough of all these craps. I chose to give up and you can take whatever you want.
I never thought of fighting with you. Never. If he choose to leave, I will let him go. I've never forced him to stay because I've learned from my lesson. There's no point for me to do so, if he's not meant to be with me.
Tell me, what did you get after all you have done? You mentioned in the special created diary for you and him that you will never forced him to leave his gf to be with you even though you know he might do it for you. But with all the things that you have done to hurt me, isn't that a big contradiction?
& I don't understand how can you accept your bf to love 2 persons at the same time? I can't. Love should be beautiful and everyone should be loyal to their loved ones. Sometimes I do suspect you want him because you don't like losing.
Perhaps, I should thank you. Thank you for showing me a clearer picture of how weak our relationship was.
Last but not least, I hope you are happy with your life now. Not sure if you have managed to win his love. I wish you all the best - I hope you can find someone who really loves you and belongs to you. Don't be a 3rd party again, you will never know how much it hurts to have your loved one betraying you.
Comments
THALL: Thank you.
紫 朝 : Thanks. Perhaps you can try New Zealand's WHM?
Beckz: *HuGzZzZzZz* I am fine. So much better now.
if i were you in your shoes, i'd be disappointed with my partner, not so much the 3rd party.
If you were or have been in my shoes, perhaps you can teach me how not to angry with the 3rd party after all the things she has done? I need someone to tell me how to let go of hatred.
The 3rd party, which essentially can be ANYONE in this world - that's a lot of people. you can't control or dictate what they can or cannot do, they are strangers, they don't know you - you don't know them. There is no written law stating that people should stay away from pursuing someone who is in a relationship, although that is an unwritten rule.
Basically what I'm trying to say is, there is always going to be someone out there trying to prize your partner away, and we cannot do much about it except trust your partner's role in the relationship. if we worry about what other people are doing to seduce your partner all the time, the relationship will be motivated by a lot of paranoia, which cannot be healthy.
Of course it is normal for you to be angry with the 3rd party for 'crashing the party' so to speak, but it is your partner who 'allowed' it to happen. that's all i'm saying. it is your partner's decision to break that trust. think about it, a 3rd party can try all they want to pursue someone, but if he/she in a relationship refuses to give in, the 3rd party cannot do anything about it, but try and wait and try and wait... agree?
I commend your decision to allow him to leave, that's very big of you, and personally I feel that is the right thing to do.
just remember, for your partner to cheat on you, there is no doubt that you deserve someone better.
You did the right thing MK. If he is the ONE, 'Tar fong toh tar em lut' - cantonese.
At least u see the true colours now rather than later.
Hang tough girl ! Dun worry , time heals everything ..Soon this will serve as a joke to you
But I've told myself long ago, I wouldn't blame the guy if one day he cheated on me...which he did because he has treated me so well before this happened, almost like a family member to me. & the 3rd party is a total stranger to me ... if you see my point.
Anyway, the purpose of me posting this is just to let out my anger. Things are so much better for me now after almost half a year.
Life goes on. Thanks for all the advises and comments.
I don't know what lies ahead but I will move on with my life.
Cut the story short, I almost gave up or lost the chance of coming here too.
Well, you have certainly taken a big step. You should applaud yourself. I went through many years of uncertainty and I'm glad that it's now over though terribly bitter.
Stay strong gal! You said it well... ;)
Teri: Thanks *HuGz* It's been a while since we last met, I hope everything is going well for you.
Ruey: All the best to you for the WHM trip in NZ!